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We're all fine here, and my new OTP

We’re all fine here. For the first time since 1995, we did not lose power during a major weather event. Thank you for the good wishes.

Because I could not resist and I now ship Peter and a camel.

From the delightful (and still anonymous) Flights of Fancy, written for the Narnia Fic Exchange:
Thus it was that when another shouting hullabaloo worked its way into the study Peter had commandeered – chosen for its strategic location far from both the boys and that abhorrent camel which followed him about intent on licking his hair – Peter’s only reaction was to place a hand over his face.

Which in turn, made me recall this, from Chapter 3 of the Part 1 of TSG,
With a nod to these amendatory statements, Peter continued, "I will say, however, that while horses have bitten me, kicked me, landed upon me, stomped on me, thrown me from their backs, and viciously swished me with their tails, no horse has ever spit upon me."

"And a camel has?" Asim asked, rather too pointedly for Digory's comfort.

Had there been camels in Narnia? A talking camel. What an appalling thought. Digory was sure he had not experienced any, but had Peter? Digory caught Peter's eye. Carefully.

"I did not say that a camel had ever spit on me. I only said that a horse never has done so." Peter paused for a deliberate bite of a turnip cake. "So why do camels spit? Richard, is there some evolutionary benefit to it? And come to think of it, why don't horses spit?"


To whit, I then produced this AU of TSG set some time in the somewhere:


Really, it would have been the most enjoyable trip of his entire life. Granted, Peter did not have the passion for fossils that Mary and Eustace did, but the travel was fantastic. Mary did know her way about the souks and alleys of Marrakesh and he had thoroughly enjoyed the sights and smells, the food, the people, and the vibrant, colourful culture and crush that were so very, very much a relief after the sad, post-War gray hardship of England.

Mary and Eustace had planned their working holiday trek. From Marrakech it was some 200 kilometres to Ourazazete and then 350 or so to Merzouga with both sites offering excellent prospects for Cretaceous fossils. He did not much care for the bone and teeth hunts one way or another, though success would make the trip even better. Mary was always joyously irrepressible with the discovery of things formerly lethal, enormous, and now long dead. With Mary’s assistance, Eustace would be able to document a previous find, finish his final papers, and secure a teaching position. Peter was along for the ride. He would enjoy the hot and sandy climate and desert colours, work on improving his Arabic, and take in the views of the Atlas Mountains.

Peter had left the provisioning to Mary and to Asim and he had not felt so confident since the days when he had delegated such responsibility to Edmund. They knew what to do, had done it before and he left them to acquiring and organizing the food, water, supplies, tents, and equipment, and the camel train to carry it all.

There was, however, one critical issue he had not thought to mention to Mary. It had been years. Years. Peter had never anticipated the dread problem would have followed him more than a decade later (however time was measured) and across the worlds. He had been wrong and was now utterly vexed and obviously cursed.

Camels.  Ingenious products of evolution they may be as Richard had long insisted, but too much of a good thing was never a good thing.  Of which camels were the definitive proof.

The camels of their caravan loved him with a deep, abiding and jealous passion. They tried to make love to him.  They followed him around like lovelorn puppies, and would bite and spit at anyone who approached him. The males were bad enough.  The females were completely lovestruck, batting their long eyelashes and sighing lustily in his presence. They licked his hair and any bit of exposed skin their clever lips could locate. They stuck their noses into his tent and would try to lie down next to him on the bedroll. The camels argued over who would bear him each day. Peter was not clear exactly how the camels argued, but they did and would grunt and spit and stomp at one another until their hierarchy for the day had been established and the honour of his personage bestowed.

Mary did not help the situation. Peter was certain she spoke camel and encouraged the caravan in their rivalries. She would swat them affectionately and nudge them in his direction and whisper where he might have hidden. Mary had a sixth sense, quick reflexes, and so usually was able to dodge irritated camel spit -- which invariably sailed over her head to land on Asim or Eustace.  Only Mary’s own chosen mount, a grizzled female, held herself aloof from the camel competition for Peter’s affections. Of course that camel did not permit any rivalries for Mary’s affections, either.

Finally, two days out of Ourazazete, after an especially fractious morning, even Mary had to concede defeat.

Wiping camel spit from her sunglasses for the fifth time, she whispered, “Peter, for our next expedition, I believe we shall try horses.”

Peter then was struck by stinging green goo to the forehead as Mary’s mount expressed her displeasure at the prospect of being replaced by a more elegant beast who did not engage in competitive projectile spitting for distance. Camels of Morocco might not understand human speech, but they were unerringly perceptive of human intent.

“Maybe a truck?” Peter said, borrowing her handkerchief.  Mary suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him down, thereby avoiding being caught in the spit crossfire.

“I am to trucks as you are to boats, Peter.”

“I’ll drive.”

Comments

( 56 comments — Leave a comment )
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anastigmatfic
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)
AAAAHHH! Peter and boats! Peter and camels! I think that Peter plus Boat plus Camel would finish him off entirely. Tell me, were there any river crossings on this expedition?

I adore the nerdy hivemind that Mary and Eustace build up when they get going - bugs! Fossils! Long-dead deadly things! Eustace the teacher, oh bless, he'd bring in his giant glass cases of beetles and pontificate, endlessly, wouldn't he? PROFESSOR SCRUBB.

And the camels. And the catfight amongst the camels for Peter's affection and attention. And I love everything about this, even the spit. Ptui!

What does Asim think of all this nonsense, with a cotillion of camels arguing over the attentions of a boy-who-is-a-King?
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 12:47 am (UTC)
Oh come on. That was a high lob straight to you, my friend. Peter, Eustace and Mary in an airboat in the Everglades? In 1950?
snitchnipped
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
Hooray! Good show, good show!

But... why does it have to be TSG AU?
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 12:45 am (UTC)
Errrr, AU because EVERYBODY DIES in 1949. Seriously, when I look at all the awesome things that these characters COULD do, it does irritate me that so many of them DIE. I fear though that without the crash, I'd never stop. I'd have Peter in the running in a power sharing government with the Liberal Dems, Susan running MI5, Edmund in the International Court of Justice and Lucy trying to stop whaling boats or getting arrested in China for being a loud-mouth. Or, something.
(no subject) - snitchnipped - Aug. 30th, 2011 01:43 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - harmony_lover - Aug. 30th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 30th, 2011 03:18 am (UTC) - Expand
metonomia
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:21 am (UTC)
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Peter/camels, I ship it!
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
A match made in hell, to be sure.
therck
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:28 am (UTC)
::laughs:: I love this!

Thanks for writing!
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
I love comment fic!
autumnia
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:28 am (UTC)
When I read that NFE story, I immediately thought of you and this exact passage from TSG!

They tried to make love to him. -- Oh Peter. Really, given how you were so loved in Narnia and gave that back to your people, why would you expect nothing less, even from camels? Even the non-talking beasts of this world adore you just as much as their talking counterparts.

Mary did not help the situation. -- I bet Mary was exacting her revenge on not finding out the Secret that Peter, Digs and Polly kept.

... but what did Asim think of all this? Did he just stand back and be amused by all the attention the camels gave to Peter?
anastigmatfic
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
Asim, of course, kept his own counsel -- much to the consternation of Eustace, who now had to try to handle, all on his own, some sort of secret war between a fractious and frazzled High King and a determined Mary who seemed intent on punishing Peter for some unknown wrongdoing.

Eustace finally asked Asim about it, late one lonely night when the camels clustered around the tents and Mary, kneeling over the campfire, laughed herself into a cramp -- Eustace asked, in his oblivious way, "What is she trying to get him for?"

"The secret you all share," said Asim.

Eustace went very still, before realizing that the spy was watching him, and then tried to laugh it off.

"Fear not. I have no desire to learn anything but what I am willingly told," Asim assured the boy. "But I do also enjoy watching those two match wits with each other."
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 29th, 2011 03:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - autumnia - Aug. 29th, 2011 02:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 29th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Aug. 29th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 30th, 2011 12:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Aug. 30th, 2011 01:27 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 30th, 2011 01:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Aug. 31st, 2011 03:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rthstewart - Aug. 30th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC) - Expand
lady_songsmith
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:30 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAAHA! Laughing forever, Rth! Fantastic! :)
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
I love comment fic. Now I just want anastigmatfic to write about Eustace, Mary, and Peter documenting alligators in the Everglades in 1952.
florentinequill
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:36 am (UTC)
*sinks down into her chair, laughing* Oh my gods! Peter and the camels for the win! What will the others say once Edmund tells them of Peter's new found (and very scandalous) love?
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:00 am (UTC)
See autumnia's contribution above for a variation on what Edmund says. then I added to it. I adore comment fic.
marbleglove
Aug. 29th, 2011 03:46 am (UTC)
Awesome! That brief conversation in Digory's study was funny, but this expansion is hilarious. It's possible that the only thing worse than being disliked by camels is to be liked by them.
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:11 am (UTC)
I love instigating commentfic. Anastigmat and Autumnnia have run with it and I really hope we see something Mary, Peter and Eustace in the Florida Everglades with an alligator and air boat.
(no subject) - marbleglove - Aug. 30th, 2011 04:16 am (UTC) - Expand
cofax7
Aug. 29th, 2011 04:17 am (UTC)
Oh, that's hysterical.

And poor Asim! This strikes me as just the sort of indignity he should NOT have to suffer.

Plus, poor Eustace will be all, "Why are the camels fighting over him? I need a ride, too! But Nooo, they all only want to carry Peter!" (Because sometimes even the Undragoned cannot resist being a bit resentful.)
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:48 am (UTC)
Comment fic madness unleashed! I really am becoming amused at the thought of doe-eyed herbivores following Peter about and snuffling their adoration and leaving slobbery green on his jackets.
min023
Aug. 29th, 2011 06:06 am (UTC)
Glad you're all safe and well.

OMG. Camels! Peter! Mary! Commentfic! SQUEEE!!!!
Trying very hard not to break a rib here, since laughing out loud at nothing in particular isn't a really good work look : )
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:13 am (UTC)
And now we have Asim being all mysterious and playing instruments and making things dance and maybe Peter being followed around by antelope and other ungulates in the Great Rift Valley followed by alligators in the Florida Everglades. I love commentfic.
(Deleted comment)
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
And now Eustace looking for cannibal dinosaurs in New Mexico! Oh AU commentfic, I love it. I love seeing how creative people can be with bouncing things back and forth.
amine_eyes
Aug. 29th, 2011 11:43 am (UTC)
Oh PETER.

I am very glad that you're safe and well hun :)
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
Oh Eustace. Oh Asim. Oh Mary. And Edmund sneezing over Saharan dust.
(Anonymous)
Aug. 29th, 2011 06:07 pm (UTC)
Camels safe and dry
Delighted that RthStewart and Autumnia have both weathered Hurricane Irene and have working internet connections--this piece about Peter and the Camels was excellent, and reading Rth and Autumnia's alternating continuations of the story was like watching a pro tennis match...

Wishing everyone shelter from flying camel spit and other projectiles...

Clio1792
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:20 am (UTC)
Re: Camels safe and dry
Thank you! Thank you! Come on in and play! The water and projectile spit are fine. And Peter, Mary, and Eustace need to go to either Africa, where Peter will be followed around by even toed ungulates in Africa or almost eaten by an alligator when he falls off an airboat in the Everglades.
linneasr
Aug. 29th, 2011 09:21 pm (UTC)
Aaahahahaaaaa, Peter and camels! Peter and lovelorn, competing camels who spit! Hhahahahahahaaa! Thank you for this, and for a post-war, once-again-jubilant Mary Russell.

Glad you made it through the storm unscathed, you and Anastigmaticfic. The tail lashed wildly through Montreal, so I was worried, and am now relieved.

Still chortling about the camels.
rthstewart
Aug. 30th, 2011 01:23 am (UTC)
It is nice to see Mary laugh, isn't it? I hadn't realized that I've not really let her be a fun, happy character before, but she could be. She's just got some growing up to do. Which I have to write. (OCs! STOP ME) I had the idea for Mary and Polly out in the desert with Asim for the femgenficathon, and that's where the musical idea came. Asim playing and through magic the dust dervishes dance.
linneasr
Aug. 29th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
PS Really like that Asim can raise dust dervishes with his recorder. It's exactly the right instrument!
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